Office romance. I get it. You’re in love. You’re crazy about each other. You can’t keep your hands off each other. You must be together all.the.time. Good news…you work in the same office so that is your reality. Bad news for everyone else because they have to watch you grope and slobber all over each other.
Guess what, we don’t want to see it! Whether it’s because we’re in a dead-end relationship and insanely jealous of your overt happiness or because we don’t want to watch you swap spit while we’re trying to have a conversation with you about the latest tps reports, it’s not cool. There’s also a chance that you’re inadvertently turning on the office pervert (that’s a post for another time).
There are other things that no one else wants to see either. I know you think you’re being discreet by sneaking out to “lunch” together or parking in the back area of the parking lot and making out for an hour in your car but we can all see you. Don’t think we don’t notice you patting each other on the butt as you pass in the hallway either. I burned my retinas watching an eclipse so I wouldn’t have to see you playing footsie during the recent budget meeting. Seriously, are you getting the hint yet?
While you think your office romance is cute and endearing, it’s really so annoying and cloying to everyone else that if you’re starting to wonder why no one stops by your cube anymore it’s not because of the way you smell. It’s because they can no longer stand to be around the never-ending joy that is seeping out of your pores or the grin that is not constantly plastered to your face. That and they most definitely don’t want to be thinking about your sex life with their coworker. *gag*
If you’re a nice person you’re not going to go to HR because these folks could really get into trouble so here’s what I recommend doing. Send an anonymous note. Type it so it can’t get back to you and here’s what it should say:
“You’re office romance is disrupting the ability of your coworkers to do their job. We know you’re happy but keep it outside the office and we will all be happier. (Optional: Imagine how you would feel having to think about your mom getting it on all day – that’s what we think about when watching you guys) You’ll never know who sent this but know we’re trying to do this in the nicest way possible”
I think dropping this note on their desk anonymously will prove to be very effective. At the very least you’ll embarrass the hell out of them and they’ll share it with their partner. Maybe one of them will be shamed enough to change their ways!