Because guess what? I do. But you know what? Now I can’t. And do you want to know why? It’s because you; potty offender, toilet abuser, bathroom bandit just came out of there. And every time you go in there you ruin what would otherwise be a peaceful evacuation experience for me. Personally when I have to go, I want to go and I don’t want to be thinking about what someone did or didn’t do immediately before me.
I know this is a dirty, gross and perhaps touchy subject for some of you but I think we can all agree that particularly in an office environment where there will be many people utilizing the facilities throughout the course of a day, at the very least a modicum of etiquette should be exercised. At this time I would also like to digress and recommend the squatty potty. It will change how you shit. Sorry to be so crude but it will. Alright carry on…
Allow me to list some of the nasty things that happen in office bathrooms that no one should have to be exposed to. There is the person who refuses to wash their hands after they do their business. People!!! Have you not ever been to a doctor? Have you never watched “Monster’s Inside Me“? We’re talking about poop and pee here. There should be no question about whether or not you wash your hands. Additionally, washing your hands is not a 5 second process. Running your hands through cold water and giving them a quick rinse does NOT a hand-wash make. Proper hand-washing consists of running your hands under hot water and thoroughly scrubbing with soap then rinsing to rid yourself of such germs as may appear in fecal matter such as giardia or perhaps cryptosporidium. Yes, I understand these two parasites in particular are commonly associated with waterborne transmission, but you get the point. They’re nasty little buggers (pun intended) and you don’t want them.
On to the courtesy flush.We all poop. I get it. You know it happens but for the love of god the toilet handle is right there. Poop, flush. Poop more, flush. Repeat, repeat, repeat as often as needed. And if you’re repeating that much you probably shouldn’t be in the office anyway. Or just skip the Mexican food/full fiber cereal while you’re at work.
Ladies, there are two issues next that I feel compelled to address to you directly. Yes you. The first is the pee and hover. Listen, I’m not going to sit on the seat either. I don’t know what’s on that seat but if I hover, I’m sure as heck going to turn around, take a look and wipe it down afterwards if I left any splashback. Because that’s the polite thing to do. Feminine products. Here are the hard and fast rules. FLUSH after changing. I mean really? I do not need to see that. No one needs to see that. Ever. Or put it in the receptacle found in the stall. If you toss it and it misses the receptacle, pick it up. No, not with your bare hands but with some toilet paper. Then deposit it in said receptacle.
On to solutions. Truly there isn’t much you can do to force someone to follow these very SIMPLE rules of etiquette but you can attempt to shame them into following them by posting a list of rules this smack dab in the middle of the bathroom mirrors where it will be very difficult to miss! If that fails then make sure you open the door to the bathroom with a paper towel on your way out!
Let’s try to be civilized and live by these rules ladies and gentlemen. After all we are all in this together.