Homeopathic Witch Doctor – I will cure you

“Mmmmm that smells delicious what is that intoxicating scent?”

homeopathic-remedy.jpeg“Oh that? It’s essential oil that supports the healing and cleansing of the spirit.”

“I love it!”

Five hours later…

“Omg my head is killing me. What’s that smell??”

“Oh that? It’s essential oil that supports the healing and cleansing of the spirit.”

“Make it stop!!!!”

The homeopathic healer in your office:
For every ailment they have a miracle natural cure. The essential oil wafting from their cube is close to driving you to rage quit. Your Advil has mysteriously disappeared from your cube and you’re getting a migraine. They are convinced they can cure you of your foot fungus, cold sore, anal fissure, thinning hair, acne…insert your own ailment here. Hopefully you’re not suffering from all of these at one time. If you are, well that blows and I feel sorry for you.

alternative-medicineThis person doesn’t exist in every office environment but if they are in your office you sure as shit know about it. Their cubicle is covered in those feel good posters espousing various life lessons. They probably have a dream catcher hanging from their desk lamp. I bet there are crystals and gemstones lying around too. They may also have a personal library containing an array of books dealing with healing, energy, chakras or homeopathy. Without a doubt every time you walk by them they make it a point to reach out to you to ask how are you feeling. Maybe it’s flu season in the winter or perhaps it’s fall allergy season. Could it be spring with hay fever? Or do you just have a nasty case of the Monday’s? They have the best of intentions but you avoid them like the plague (pun intended).

Whatever it is, you can’t seem to escape their compulsion to heal you. They feel as if it is their mission in life to cure you of what ails you. Lucky for you there are some fairly simple solutions to this problem:

  1. Do NOT tell them if you are feeling anything other than normal. Even if you have a slight cold…hold your tongue.
  2. Do not walk by their cube if you are sick. You run the risk of sneezing or coughing as you walk by. Better to take the long way around.
  3. Don’t have personal conversations – phone or otherwise – within earshot of them. They can sense duress so if you have any situation in your life that is causing you stress, do not have them near this person.
  4. You must always be happy and healthy if you are in close proximity to them. If they sense anything is amiss they’re going to offer to make you feel better. Henceforth you become the most positive person in the office (at least they’re going to think so).
  5. Dump them on another co worker. If they start to focus on someone else you’ll be off the hook. Make sure it’s not someone you want to remain on good terms with because they’re going to be pissed that you passed them off to the office voodoo healer.

Now go forth and avoid the healer my dear readers. As always, comment below with your own office annoyances!

– Becca

disclaimer: I do believe in the healing potential of some homeopathic remedies don’t get me wrong I just don’t want to be harassed about it at my job and I bet you don’t either!

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