I know this title makes no sense. But I can’t help myself. My son introduced me to this ridiculously funny song and now I feel compelled to share it with you. Mostly because it annoys the living daylights out of him when I sing it. Click this link to hear the song.
Now that you’ve heard it I have completely digressed. This post has nothing to do with your annoying co-worker high-fiving their dog. But it does have to do with your obnoxious co worker who somehow thought it would be alright to bring their dog into work. You’re sitting at your desk and you hear some heavy breathing coming from the cube behind you. You know your office mate may have had a cold so at first you think it could be some sort of clogged sinus and you’re willing to over look it. You think about offering your co worker some nasal spray or a neti pot like these ones here.
But by midday it’s gotten so bad you can barely hear yourself think. Yeah that’s a dumb saying I know – you can’t really hear the hamsters running around in your brain. So you walk over to your co workers desk and you find the source of the breathing. It’s a dog. A live animal. In your office. At your office mate’s cube. A living breathing dog. When did this become a thing? You have a dog. Your dog sits in a crate all day suffering and waiting for you to come home. Ok that’s not true. All your dog does all day is sleep. Plus you have a dog walker who it probably likes more than you. Anyway the point is, you never considered bringing your dog into the office. You thought there must have been some policy in the employee handbook outlining the rules regarding bringing a live animal into the office. Maybe your co-worker hasn’t read the hand book. Maybe they can’t read at all? Maybe they’ve bribed HR? Maybe they’re using blackmail? How is this possible?
Regardless, it’s been going on for a while now and you just can’t wrap your head around how its fair. Not only that but they are using the animal as an excuse to take extra breaks during the day. The dog needs walks, food, water. And everyone keeps stopping by to pet the dog. You know your other co workers are going out of their way to make a visit with their imaginary questions just to pet the dog. This is annoying. You want to get your work done but it’s always noisy from all of the visitors coming by. You can hear the dog breathing. You hear it slurping water, chewing it’s food, smell it’s dog farts, etc…
The thing is, you are a dog lover! At least you used to be. But now the office dog who has taken up residence at the cube next to you is turning you into a dog hater. Now you’re starting to hate yourself for being a dog dis-liker. You have resolved to do something about this. This is a tough one though. Everyone else loves the dog so if you do something to rid the office of its new-found mascot, anyone who knows you were responsible for its expulsion is going to make your work life hell. Especially if they are one of the dog visitors.
So there is only one viable solution to this problem. Start bringing your own dog to work. That’s right. If you can’t beat em’, join em’. If you don’t have a dog, don’t despair. Go get one. You will need to train the dog – click for some training books. Make sure it’s a rescue dog too so that if anyone asks you can make sure to add this to the story of the dog to make yourself look like a real humanitarian. That and well…rescuing a dog is really awesome and you should do it anyway if you’re going to get a dog. This way you can have your own heavy breathing, pooping, drooling, co-worker attracting slobbery mess of an animal all to yourself. Plus you’ll be saving an animal in the process.