Remember the Dukes of Hazzard? If you said no then I say, “Ugh I’m dating myself!” Not in the literal sense as in I’m off to go on a date with myself – which I may or may not have done…but in the sense that since I remember the show I believe I am revealing to you, my readers, that I’m an old lady. Insert crying face of self realization here. So the point I’m going to make isn’t necessarily about how old I am. Can we save that topic for another day? Or maybe never. Does never work for you??
The point I’m going to make is that is was a show about two redneck dudes who drove around in a fast car in the country and did a bunch of stupid stuff that always got the sheriff after them. Now there was this girl and her name was daisy. Daisy Duke. She wore ridiculously short shorts that pretty much showed her butt cheeks. Pretty sure most guys thought this was super hot and had no problem with it whatsoever. Again, not the main point of this blog post…I’m getting there don’t rush me!
Main point is that it may be appropriate attire for some country girl hanging around with a couple of hick guys but you should not be wearing that shit in the office. I’m not even going to go into detail about the correct length of jean shorts for an office environment. Because no. Just no. You may not wear cut off jean shorts to the office. Yes even on casual Friday. Let’s go ahead and talk about what else should NEVER be worn into the office because sadly this needs to be pointed out and usually added to the cooperate dress code manual piecemeal because inevitably someone finds an article of clothing to wear that has not been addressed yet.
- Jean shorts (already discussed above)
- Half shirts with your belly showing
- Men’s wife beater tank tops (I mean really…)
- T shirts with the sleeves cut off
- Shirts with inappropriate graphics or language on it (I can tell I’m going to have to go into detail here aren’t I? WARNING!! I found these on the internet and some are highly inappropriate. If you are easily offended don’t read these. If you are easily offended you’re probably not reading my blog anyway…)
If your shirt says any of the following you shouldn’t wear it to work:
- ‘I just wanna get laid’
- ‘Just keep rubbing until something comes out’
- ‘Fuck the police’
- ‘Master Baiter’
- ‘Vagitarian’ (why…just why…)
- ‘I have multiple personalities and none of them like you’
- ‘Orgasm donor’
There are literally thousands of them and I could go on and on. But I won’t because you get the picture. How anyone can be so stupid as to actually get dressed in the morning, don one of these types of shirts, look themselves over in the mirror and decide that it’s perfectly acceptable to wear it in an office environment is just dumbfounding to me. Maybe it is to you too.
Don’t bother trying to talk to the offender. Just pick your jaw up off the floor and go report their ass to HR. Be assured an updated and official handbook with an addendum to the dress code will be emailed to everyone in the next few days. In the meantime, avert your eyes!
I’m dying to hear your accounts of what people have deemed appropriate work wear from you guys so go ahead and leave me a comment.