Can you guess what today’s topic is about? If you can’t then I’ll fill you in. Ii’s about nose picking. One of the grossest habits out there that we clearly are all guilty of doing. The thing is, we all know we’re doing it but no one else wants to see you do it. Keep it in the privacy of your own home.
I’m here to discuss the most gross (grossest? Can someone please tell me the best way to say this) aspect of the nose pick. It’s the car pick. It’s the one you’re doing while you’re sitting at a stop light or in traffic going nowhere. There’s nothing else to do so you start picking. Inconspicuously at first so as not to be noticed but eventually you give on and just start digging.
The rationale is that no one can see you. The sun is too bright. You have tinted windows. No one cares what you’re doing in your car. You know what? You would be wrong. Anytime you think no one can see you, they probably can. Yes someone most definitely can see you and is judging you as I type this.
So let’s think about this logistically. You’re picking your nose in peace, seemingly minding your own business and once you’re done, you roll the window down to toss your boogie out the window. Do you think no one knows what you’re throwing out the window? They know. They KNOW!!! You know what the worst is? Sometimes I throw gum out my window and I wonder if someone thinks I’ve been picking my nose. I know I haven’t but they don’t. All they see is the window roll-down in the middle of the winter and a hand flick out the window. It feel like I’m being busted for something I didn’t do. The injustice!
Now what’s worse is if you don’t put it out the window where does it go? The floor? The seat? The armrest? Your seatbelt? This is stuff I don’t like to think about because I’m such a germaphobe and it makes me wonder if the car I’m in maybe has some remnants of someones nose picking expedition. I know it does. I’m sure of it. I try to just turn that part of my brain off.
Alas the lesson I’m trying to impart here is that if you can keep yourself from picking in the car, do it. If you can’t just be aware that you are being watched and probably judged. I’m pretty sure there was an episode of Seinfeld surrounding Jerry getting busted picking his nose in the car. In summation, keep your nose clean.